It has been quite a hell of a roller coaster ride this weekend...
I guess I have some sort irritated someone or maybe the person is just too busy to reply my messages but somehow yeah.. I kinda feel bad about it.
Spent Saturday morning cleaning up the room and lazing around without any meals. Simply don't have the appetite for any food.. perhaps I was just feeling emoey and all this weekend. Was supposed to go out but ended staying at home.. watching Eat, Pray, Love.
Dinner was at Paradise Inn at Simei East Point to celebrate my mum's birthday with my brother. But somehow my mum kinda messed it up by saying some stuffs to me that I felt, wasn't sensitive at all. I am not sure if they had even care about how I feel but well... I have gotten over it I guess. Spent the rest of the night reading a book before going to sleep with pain.
Ran 21km this morning at MR with some good company for the first few km. Attendance wasn't that fantastic but I guess I'm ok. Its the company that matters the most. Heard about some unpleasant stuffs and also got reminded of the past and it just triggered some thoughts to me... and that if I'm a really bad friend? A friend that deserves to be forgotten just because some other people have done more than me for you? A friend that does not deserve any care and concern from you? A friend that you guys can simply dump without saying anything? I thought I had done ALOT ALOT ALOT for you guys but it seems that its not enough. Disappointing to know that you feel that others are doing ALOT more for you. In the first place, why had this friend ship then? Why make me spend so much time to get everyone together to only find you guys leaving me alone to do it all by myself?
I kinda hate this emoey feeling but I really can't help. I have friends who we used to call ourselves buddies but they had walked in ... and then walked out of my life without leaving a note to say why. Perhaps you have your own personal interests and development to take care of, but as a friend, and someone who you call a buddy, shouldn't you do the least bit to remember me? I have done all I could for you and I can tell everyone I have not done anything WRONG to get this from you.
Its a sad lesson learnt. One that perhaps teaches me not to put in so much effort in relationships because not everyone appreciates what you have done for them, including your own family.
Perhaps in the near future, I shouldn't rely so much on others anymore. Afterall, they may have their own life to think about rather than thinking of a friend like you. Maybe I should start to be a bitch.. and isolate myself or distance myself from some of those I love... cos I really duno when they will turn around and start hurting me instead.
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